It's Cleansing, Okay?
by lychee loving
Summary: The paperboys at the Bayville branch of the Daily Bugle have a myth about the infamous Xavier mansion... Sillyfic, not meant to be taken seriously!
1. prologue: urban legends

_For Stormysongbird, because she said we had a duty as Storm fans to educate the masses. If you're looking for quality fic, look somewhere else! First of seven mini-chapters._

* * *

><p>The paperboys at the Bayville branch of the Daily Bugle have a myth about the infamous Xavier mansion.<p>

"Aw shit, I have the House of Freaks for the next three weeks!"

"What? Man, I wish we could trade routes! Damn!"

"What the heck, man? Why would you even?"

"Dude! Don't you know?"

"Know what?"

"They say if you get there early enough, you'll see this hot chick flying way above the mansion without any clothes on!"

"... Shut up! No way that's true!"

"Dude! Come on!"


	2. boys will be boys will be boys

Storm was the first woman Scott Summers ever saw naked. (He was fourteen.)

"Dude!" Evan had exclaimed, when it came up in conversation over why Playboy magazines were forbidden in the mansion (and how that was okay because the boys had internet access anyway) "That's my _aunt_!"

Scott had his face in his hands, but it did little to hide the flush of utter embarrassment in his cheeks and neck. "And she's practically like my mom, how do you think I feel?" he groused. "For what it's worth it was an accident...!"

Kurt was staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "But... I don't understand! Miss O isn't - she wouldn't - how did you even...?"

Evan folded his arms and kept a cold glare trained on their fearless leader. "Auntie O spent a few years in my grandma's tribe out in the Serengeti," he explained shortly. "Mom said she picked up a few customs that she refused to shake off when they came here to the States."

"Apparently she doesn't understand the West's taboos on nudity..." mumbled Scott. Evan glared all the harder, and Scott took the hint - he shut up.

"But... how...?" Kurt's voice trailed off, struggling with the image of the always elegant and level-headed Ms. Munroe being caught in the all-together. It wasn't like she walked around naked!

"Yeah, Summers. Care to explain that?"

"It was way back when I just started training with Logan, okay? I got up a little too early for our ass-crack of dawn jog..." Scott paused and frowned at the way Evan continued to glare daggers at him. "... And I was standing out there alone and there was this sudden shock of white up in the sky..."

Kurt was aghast. "She _flies_ around nake-"

"It's cleansing, or something," Evan muttered. "She makes these rainclouds to shower in, in the early morning sometimes."

The three were silent for several moments until Evan started glaring at them again. "Stop thinking about it! God!"

Scott sighed. "... I couldn't look her in the eye for weeks."

Evan ended up not speaking to him for a month.

Later, they'd swear never to speak of it again.


	3. xman rite of passage

But it was spoken of, again.

A few years later, Evan was no longer in the Institute, having chosen to stay with the Morlocks instead of with the X-Men. Somehow the detail about not-so-secret Ororo's early morning rainshowers got around all over again when Ray, choosing to head outside on a particularly insomniac night/early morning - made the same accidental discovery Scott had, all those years ago.

Surprised, he did the first thing that was instinct to him - he told Bobby. Scott happened to be coming into the Rec Room at the same time and had overheard. One thing led to another, and so -

"Come on, guys. It isn't funny!"

With his eyes covered by ruby quartz, Scott had to rely on body language to show what he was feeling. He was glaring - even if they couldn't see it - but the way he folded his and leaned forward menacingly - it was almost reminiscent of Logan. If the boys weren't so busy laughing and exchanging high fives at his expense, they'd have noticed the building irritation.

Kurt (by this time most of the young teenage male population had congregated in the rec room to share in this news) noticed. He wisely kept silent.

And then Bobby came up with a catchphrase.

"Guys, guys! I've got it!" He grinned while he shushed everyone down. "See, I've figured it all out!"

Kurt tried to shut him up. "Bobby..."

"No, no, see? It's like this - I bet this is some sort of-" Bobby's grin widened and his voice dropped to a conspirational whisper. "X-Men rite of passage or something!"

Scott groaned. "What the hell are you talking about, Bobby?"

"Well, Fearless Leader, you're our fearless leader! You're the man! You're _the_ model X-Man!" He looked around at his companions for confirmation - Roberto (amused), Ray (rolling his eyes), Sam (blushing like a fire engine at Kurt's side) and Kurt (wary of Scott).

"And obviously we missed the memo, but. Maybe you're not a real X-Man until you've seen Storm flying naked overhead?"


	4. boys are stupid throw rocks at them

The weeks passed and the novelty of it wore down. Scott was relieved when the guys decided to let it lie. What he wasn't aware of was that it was quickly becoming a running joke. Even if it wasn't mentioned every time he turned, even if the guys weren't snickering every time they saw him - the idea of it was becoming a challenge.

And then, one night, Bobby decided to procrastinate on completing homework by making a set of rules.

He proudly titled it as, _**You're Not An X-Man**_** Until...** followed by a list of anecdotes that he and Kurt were coming up with. 

They had quite a few already - You've survived one of Logan's Runs; You've (barely) lived through one of Kitty's kitchen disasters; You know where Mr. McCoy's keeps his Twinkie stash; You've had at least five detentions' worth of waxing the Blackbird...

"Oh, here's another one: trying Forge's contraption of the week and lived to tell the tale," said Kurt, scribbling it down on a steno pad on the floor of Bobby's room.

Iceman nodded. "Yeah, that's a good one. And hey, I just remembered the most obvious one!"

"I thought the thing about Kitty's cookies was the obvious one?"

"Nah man, the other obvious one. We talked about it last week, remember?" Bobby took the pen and sounded out the words while he wrote them down, "You're... not... an X-Man... until... you've seen... Storm naaaa...ked,"

The resulting, highly offended shout of, "Bobby!" was strangely in stereo.

"What?" He said, looking up at Kurt -

- and over his shoulder to see an extremely shocked Jean, Kitty and Amara standing just outside his room. (he'd later find out they'd passed by looking for Jubilee.)

Bobby blinked.

Later, the only explanation Hank could get out of Kurt and Sam was "You're better off not knowing," when he received several bruised and beaten boys at the Infirmary that evening.

When pressed further, Jean would only say that they were an "affront to all women."

Hank knew better than to ask any more questions of the girls after that.


	5. disturbance in the force

Knocking on the Professor's door was kind of a moot point, but a few people did it anyway. Largely because he was the Professor, and it was only polite. Ororo was one of those people. She always knocked twice, and then waited for him to call her inside.

Usually, he found her practice a refreshing change from all the teenagers (and Logan) who simply walked in, assuming that that the Professor knew they were coming. Today, it gave him a last chance to put his thoughts into order.

"Come in, Ororo."

She stepped inside his study and shut the door behind her. "Good afternoon, Charles," She smiled. "You said you had some news for me?"

He cleared his throat. "Ah - yes, I do. As a matter of fact," He paused, gestured to one of the soft chairs across his desk. "Why don't you sit, Ororo?"

She raised one perfectly sculpted brow at him curiously. "... All right."

Charles waited a few beats, putting the tips of his fingers together in a motion that Ororo associated with him carefully assembling a tactful message in his mind. His behavior made her a little anxious, yes, but Ororo was more patient than most. She waited.

"Do you remember," he began, finally, "When you came to me, one day, and told me about some of the customs of your people?"

"As I recall, Charles, we spent many a day speaking about my people" she replied, folding her hands together. "And we still do."

He smiled. "Indeed we do. However - I seem to remember one instance in particular, when we broached the matter of, ah, clothing."

Ororo nodded. "I told you how strange this country's customs were to me, when I first came to America with my sister. I was fifteen and struggling to understand this new taboo on nudity..." She shook her head, smiling at the memory.

She looked up again at Charles. "Of course, it's been many years since then. And though I still find it strange, I have adapted. Especially considering that this is a school, it would hardly be appropriate if I didn't adjust somewhat..."

"All things considered, I have to say you've adapted exceedingly well," he said in reply, smiling fondly. "...Which makes this all the more difficult to break this news to you."

Ororo blinked, almost certain she'd heard wrong. "What sort of news would you have regarding this, Charles?"

The Professor sighed. "It would would appear that some of the boys have discovered your, ah, early morning showers, my dear."

She blinked several times. After she'd taken such care in making sure she got up early enough that she wouldn't be seen? She understood this country's views on nudity now, of course, which as why she made the effort not to be seen by impressionable young (teenage boy) minds.

"... Ah. I see."

Charles sighed again. "I'm sorry, Ororo."

She shook her head. "You know I have no issue with being caught without clothes, Charles-"

"I'm afraid it's a little more than that, my friend," he paused, frowning. "It would appear that they've made something of a running joke about it. Jean approached me this morning with an explanation for Bobby's, ah, injuries last night."

"... So that's what it was all about." Ororo frowned.

"You know that the last thing I want is for you to adjust your beliefs and practices because of a few boys' jokes, Ororo." Charles said, sincerely. While he wasn't exactly comfortable with it himself, he understood that she grew up with a different set of beliefs. He respected that, and so let her do as she did.

"But I suppose there's no other way of getting around it. I'll see if I can speak to them, Charles. Perhaps we can set a few things straight? After all, this could have been avoided if I had only explained it to them myself in the first place..."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. The idea of confronting them with this issue was not one she relished...


	6. adamantium intervention!

Logan had been on his way to Charles' office to drop off a folder of needed repairs for the Danger Room. His  
>gameplan was to leave it on his desk, mention a trip to Harry's Bar, hop on his bike and disappear til evening.<p>

He scented 'Ro on the way up and didn't think too much on it - until he caught the end of her conversation with  
>Charles through the closed door.<p>

Logan wasn't one to eavesdrop, usually. But for this, he heard enough, growled and promptly changed plans. Where was the Icepick - he had a Blackbird that needed waxing for the next five to eight weeks...

_Logan!_

He ignored the mental call, not even bothering to spare Charles with an answer. Maybe he could have the rest of the boys test the new DR program he'd just come up with...

_**Logan**__**!**_

... he'd leave them in there for a couple of hours, too, maybe...

"_Logan_!"

That last one was 'Ro. He'd sensed her following him, vaguely, but hadn't turned to acknowledge her. He had a couple of kids to run into the ground -

"Logan." She flew ahead of him and blocked his way.

"What, 'Ro."

"I am not here to stop you," she began.

"Sure looks like it, darlin'. Move, before I make ya."

She rolled her eyes. She knew he would try - but she also knew that he knew she wouldn't move an inch if she didn't want to.

"Do _not_ get carried away. It is a harmless joke, I doubt they meant it to be malicious in any way or else the  
>Professor would have mentioned it to me by now."<p>

Somehow, Logan knew that to be true. The kids had too much respect for Ororo - the passing joke would probably be as far as it would go. He doubted any of them would stake out and try and get a glimpse of her. It'd be too much like catching their mom in the nude-

He shook his head. Not a good train of thought to follow, that one.

"Doesn't matter; the guys still need a good talking to."

"Yes, I agree," she nodded. "I think that it would be best if I carried that out myself, don't you think? It is my  
>right."<p>

That made him pause, and then finally sigh.

"Fine. You're right. Fine." It was just as well; Storm's methods were different from his, but he knew for a fact  
>that no one else could guilt them as easily, quickly or effectively.<p>

"Good." Ororo turned and continued down the hallway. "Charles has had them gather down by the Rec Room already. I thought it best to get this over with as soon as possible..."

She turned back around when he didn't answer. "Well? Are you not coming to watch, Wolverine?"

"Right behind ya, darlin'." He grinned. If he wasn't allowed to hand out his brand of punishment, he could at least  
>intimidate them into submission...<p>

"... Try not to scare them too much, Logan."

"Whatever you say, 'Ro."

* * *

><p><em>... I should probably mention, they aren't dating here (like they are in my other fic, anyway-)<em>

_epilogue to follow soon._


End file.
